Some Friendships are Never Really Lost

I’ve come to learn over the years, that some people come into your life and stick around forever, while others are there for a specific part of your life but may fade with time.

It’s kind of a sad thought that some people you meet may not stay. There have been some people who I became so close with, the tell-each-other-everything kind of friendships, but time and sometimes distance made the connections fade.

So is it possible to get them back?

In some cases I think most definitely yes!

My best friend from when I was in dance and I were so very close when we saw each other frequently. We did everything together and told each other everything. Then I went away to college, but our friendship didn’t faulter. She ended up at the same school as me the year after, but oddly enough we saw each other less. I honestly thought I had lost my best friend and knew a lot of it was my fault because I had a whole different life at school. And how do you mix your old life with your new life? Will things ever be the same?

Well of course they won’t. We both changed, got different groups of friends and had our own, extremely busy lives.

But I’m more than happy to say that we are still great friends! Every time we see each other, it’s like no time has passed at all. So our friendship wasn’t really lost, it just changed.

Do I wish things were the way they were in high school, sometimes yes. But the fact that we grew up and our friendship grew with it is something I hold onto. I still have her in my life, and if we survived huge life changes and moves (for both of us), then I’m pretty sure we can survive anything.

But I haven’t been this lucky with all of my friendships. I had another best friend in high school that I was always with. We were literally attached at the hip. We both ended up going to different colleges, but still maintained our friendship, and I feel like it got stronger. But towards the end, we were both making decisions that the other didn’t really like. I won’t go into the details, but at one point both of us just stopped talking to each other. I tried reaching out to her once, but it just wasn’t the same.

So it had me thinking. Was she a forever-friend, or one who was there to help me through a certain part in my life? Had we outgrown each other?

And maybe that was supposed to teach me a lesson about how I was handling my friendships.

Since then I’ve put in extra effort to check in with old friends, and let them know I still care. So I guess my message of this messy post is to cherish your friendships, because if you stop doing the work to keep them in your life, they may fade away and you may not be able to get them back!

And to all of my friends that have stuck around, I love you all so so much and look forward to many more years of friendship! ❤

Until Next Time,

Ashley

P.S. This post goes out to my longtime best friend Niki! I’m so glad we’ve stayed friends over the years, and I truly cherish your friendship!

The Beauty of a Good Night’s Sleep

I was reading and article on CNN this morning by Sandee LaMotte about how getting a good night’s sleep is all in your head, and they has some staggering statistics.

The article says, “according to the Centers for Disease Control, an estimated 50-70 million American adults have a sleep or wakefulness disorder that can affect their lives in serious ways.”

50-70 MILLION! That’s insane!

I’ve struggled for a long time, and even more now that I work an odd shift, to make sure that I get enough sleep at night.

I either can’t fall asleep because my mind is racing and won’t be quiet, I’m too warm, I fall asleep but wake up multiple times throughout the night, or plain and simple, I go to bed too late.

I don’t know if that exactly means that I have insomnia (that’s what the article mostly talks about), but I know that I have some sort of issue. And I love to sleep!

Photo from Google Images

You really can’t beat the feeling of waking up without an alarm clock, right when your body says you have gotten enough sleep. You feel refreshed and ready to tackle your day.

But lately I’ve woken up feeling just as tired as when I fell asleep, feeling sluggish and like I’m not going to be able to make it to the shower to start my day.

I used to only have to set one alarm when I was in middle and high school, and I’d generally wake up right before it went off.

I was also one who couldn’t ever really sleep in. My body would say “Time to get up, Lazy” promptly around 8:00 am, no matter what time I fell asleep. And I’d be fine for the rest of the day.

As of about two months ago, I now have to set at least 4-5 alarms, and usually sleep through 2 of them, and I don’t actually drag myself out of bed until close to 11:00 am.

Now some of you will remind me that I work until 11:00 pm, and usually don’t go to bed until 2:00 am, which is true.

But even then, I don’t feel like I’ve ever gotten enough sleep. I’ve tried forcing myself to go to bed earlier each night, but it never works. And I’ve resorted to taking Melatonin (a sleep aid) to help me fall asleep.

Photo from Google Images

The CNN article cites that may not be the best idea either. So to my actual point of this post now. Here are some of the tips the article gave to help you get a better night’s sleep. I hope they will work on me, and maybe help you feel more refreshed and ready for the day when you wake up in the morning. Here (CNN “A better night’s sleep is all in your head”) is the link to the article itself, so I’m just going to paraphrase the tips.

1. Instead of using sleep aids, like Melatonin, trying Cognitive behavior therapy, which essentially means to retrain your sleep patterns.

2. Along with that, they talk about getting rid of bad habits and replacing them with good ones. Some examples of bad ones would be sleeping with the TV on or playing with your phone before you go to sleep. Some good habits include getting regular excercise (something I need to get back into the habit of).

When I was in dance, and staying active 6-7 times a week, I would come home exhausted and fall right into bed. But I would wake up feeling so great!

3.  They also discuss making your room conducive to good sleep, like keeping your room dark and at a good temperature. It also talks about what to do if you still can’t fall asleep. It says that you should “get up if you’ve not fallen asleep within 20 minutes, and only go back to bed when you are sleepy.” I never would have thought about that. I usually just try to force myself to sleep.

Those were just of few of the tips they cite in the article, but if you want to know more, just click on the link above.

Until next time,

Ashley

Summer Breeze = New Outlook

Happy Hump Day Everyone!

I woke up this morning feeling like I needed to get rid of some of the negativity I’ve been carrying with me. Looking back on some of my recent posts I realized that I’ve been holding on to so many bad things, and let myself get caught up with fear and confusion.

Sure I still have those fears, and I feel like this is going to be the most confusing time in my life because I am finally on my own, but there are some things in my control that I can change to make dealing with that a lot easier, and in turn make me a lot happier.

1. I really need to start taking better care of myself. I’ve been a bigger girl for as long as I can remember, and even when I was my most active I still couldn’t lose weight. Nutrition and most importantly portion size has been my biggest issue with my weight. Now I’m not telling you that I have a certain goal weight or that I need to lose so many pounds before such ans such event. My ultimate goal is to be healthy and feel a little better in my own skin. I’m happy with who I am, but I do have insecurities. So I figure if I started being healthier, I’d start feeling better, even if that means that I don’t end up really thin.

2. I need to stop letting people push me around, and more importantly, I need to quit being so afraid to assert myself and ask for help. I have a position of authority at work, and I’m used to just doing things by myself because I know they need to get done. But we are a team, and I need to allow myself to let people help me. And this is just as true outside of my professional life. I’ve always let people walk all over me and push me around, and I’ve gotten better with it over the years but you can always keep improving.

3. I need to let myself be happy. I need to quit focusing on the negative things in life, and focus on what I do have and who I have in my life. I’ve been privileged with a lot of great friends (and I know I’ve said this before but it’s so true), and I’m still very close with my family.

4.I need to start listening to myself. I know that sounds strange so let me explain. I’m constantly asking for people’s opinions and asking others what I should do. Now that’s not a bad thing to ask for advice, to a point. When it becomes a crutch and you can’t seem to make a decision on your own, then it’s time to stop. I need to really start trusting my instincts and going with my gut. I can still ask for help and guidance, but I think I need to see if I can figure it out on my own before I start bringing other people into the mix.

So with it finally starting to feel like summer, I’ve decided to make these summer resolutions. I’m not saying it isn’t going to be hard, and some days I’m just going to have bad days, but it’s a start.

I hope this post has helped you in someway, and hope that you are allowing yourself to be as happy as you can be. Because you deserve to love your life!

Until Next Time, with warm thoughts on this summer day!

Ashley

 

Audrey Hepburn is my Spirit Animal!

For those of you who know me personally, you know that I am OBSESSED with Audrey Hepburn. Ever since I watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s for the first time in high school, she has been one of my favorite actresses of all time. She is classy without having to be trashy. But it’s not just her films that I love, she seemed like a genuinely humble and kind person while she was alive.

Her humanitarian work inspires me to go out and help the world! And whenever I am feeling down, or need a boost of confidence, there is always a couple quotes I can find by her that change my mood and make me feel better.

So in celebration of this Friday, I leave you with some of my favorite Audrey Hepburn quotes to get you through you day. Enjoy 🙂

How Do You Know?

Now before I get into what I’m about to say, I need to let whoever is out there reading this that this post might bring you down, and it might just sound like a whiny 20 something who doesn’t know how good she has it.

But I started this blog so that I could have an outlet to express how I’m feeling and be real, not to be famous or have millions of views. I thought if I was real and didn’t sugarcoat my feelings, I could help someone else who is going through similar things. So this might get a little sad and whiny, but bear with me.

The past couple weeks, I’ve had some things weighing on my mind. With my sister moved into her new home, the summer starting, and all of my friends doing great things with their lives, I’ve began to wonder about mine.

I know I’ve had a good life and have been lucky to have the opportunities that I’ve had, but recently I’ve been questioning myself and my choices.

How do you really know if you are happy?

Now I don’t want people to be worried (especially you mom because I know this is probably going to worry you), but I don’t know if I’m happy anymore.

This doesn’t have to do with one specific thing, it’s an amalgamation of a lot of pieces of my life that don’t seem to be fitting together the way I had hoped they would.

Ever since I was litte, I’ve had a vision for what my life would look like when I got older. I would be surrounded by amazing friends that care about me, I would stay close with my family and always be able to make people smile.

But that was it… I never envisioned what my career might be, who I’d marry, what my eventual kids might look like, or where I would live. Those aspects of my life were never clear to me.

So how do I know if I’m really happy with where my life is going?

I’ve achieved my vision for the most part. I have an amazing group of friends from different times in my life, and I am so happy that we’ve all stayed close. I am still very close with my family even though we are all separated at the moment. And I believe that I can help people when they are down.

So it that regard, maybe I am happy.

But the other stuff… those are the things I am beginning to question. I really do enjoy my job and the people there. And I am happy being single after a relationship that left me sort of empty.. but how do you know when you are truly happy with your life?

Now I know what many would say if I expressed this to them. “You’re 23 years old, You’re just starting to figure out who you are and what you want to be.” I know that because that’s what my head tells me.

But my heart is a little confused.

I went to a friends house-warming party this past weekend, and I saw what my friends had and how happy they all seem to be. And I felt a little out-of-place. Granted, a lot of my friends are 2-3 years older than me, and they’ve been through hard times in their lives where they questioned all of their choices too.

So who am I to be wallowing in self-pity right?

But I can’t seem to figure out if I am happy with the choices I’ve made. I know I’m a little fish in a big pond, and I have to do the work to be better. And I’m figuring this thing called life out one step at a time, but I believe there is a time in everybody’s life where they wonder “Am I doing the right thing?”

And maybe one day soon I’ll have that answer, but right now I just don’t know.

But how do you really know…?

Dear Mom and Dad

I meant to do a post like this on Mother’s Day, but I’ve been incredibly stressed out these past two-three weeks.

But better late than never right?

In the couple of months that I’ve lived on my own, and officially moved out of my parents house, I’ve been thinking about the things they’ve taught me and how much I really do use those lessons. And I feel like a lot of young adults can relate. We all knew that what our parents taught us would eventually make sense in our adult lives.

And I know every kid probably says this at one point or another, but I really hit the genetic jackpot when it came parents.

My parents are the perfect balance of best friends, and parental authorities. I’ve always felt that I can come to them with any problem, big or small. Sometimes it takes me time to actually come to them, but I always know that I can.

My sister and I had a conversation a couple of years ago, after I picked her up from school for the weekend, about how lucky we were to have the parents that we did. And it really is true.

The four of us are so incredibly close, that some people think its strange. But I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way!

My crazy family!

So mom and dad, here’s to you!

Mom– You’ve always been there when I’m down and need advice or to just cry. You’ve taught me not to be afraid of trying new things, and that I can make my dreams a reality while still being practical. You’ve shown me that to love yourself, you can’t focus on what’s in the mirror staring back at you, but what is in your heart and soul. You are one of the most beautiful, loving people I know, even if you don’t always realize it.

Dad– You always told me to do what I love and shoot for the stars! You’ve taught me to dive into life, knowing that somethings might not work out the way I expect, but that it’s ok. You always managed to make me laugh when things got rough. You are the rational voice in my head, telling me to question things, and never settle for less than I deserve.

Both of you have shown me what real love looks like, just by seeing the way you two love each other and Amber and I. You’ve both taught me how to care for people, and that by saying hello to someone can brighten their day. You’ve both shown me that, as cliché as it sounds, you truly can’t judge a book by its cover. Some people look and act like one type of person, but when you truly get to know them you really see who they are inside.

So thank you mom and dad for helping mold the person that I am today, and for always encouraging me that who I am is always good enough!

I love you both!

Until Next Time,

Ashley

Why Am I So Afraid?

My whole life, I’ve been told that fear can be a driving force to help you reach your dreams, if you use it correctly.

Now I’m not saying that I don’t agree with that, because harnessing my fear and using it to push myself has helped me become the person that I am.

But what happens when that fear stops you?

*Photo courtesy of Google Images*

As many of my friends prepare for graduation from college this weekend, I started thinking about my college (and high school) experiences. I started thinking about all of the people I had met, the things I had experienced, and things that I was too afraid to do.

I realized that in high school and college I had always been afraid to try things that would require me to put myself out in the open for the world to judge.

In high school, I was always a dancer, but I really wanted to sing and act too! I had done so in a few small things when I was in middle school, but high school was different. It wasn’t until my senior year that I finally say ‘why not” and tried out for my school’s fall play. That was the only theater production I had planned on trying out for!

Turned out that I wasn’t a terrible actor, and after the fall play, our director told me I should continue trying out for school productions. So I did..

That year I participated in the One Act group (which competed statewide), I was in the spring musical, and I acted in a murder mystery dinner fundraiser.

I loved it!! And I kept telling myself “why didn’t I do this sooner?”

Fast forward to college… It was my junior year and my best friend Jenna took me to a meeting for our school’s student run tv station. I had just changed my major for the third time to broadcast, and wanted to get some experience in.

We had anchor auditions, but I told myself that I just wanted to work behind the scenes… but in reality I was just too afraid that I wouldn’t be good enough to be on air.

Jenna made me try out with her anyways, because she knew I had been on stage most of my life with dance, and I had experience with musical theater.

I ended up anchoring for the entertainment segment every now and then, too afraid to say I wanted one of the lead anchor roles.

I ended up really enjoying it, and was even one of the main anchors in my News Team class!

“But why hadn’t I tried this earlier?”, I told myself.

Fear.. plain and simple!

Fear can be a great driving force when used correctly, but it can also be an immoveable road block, put there to keep you from experiencing life.

My sister and dad would always tell me that I was brave, that I would just jump right into things, without fear. But I don’t think they ever understood how deathly afraid I was.

I realize now that I missed out on a lot of potentially wonderful experiences because I let my fear get the best of me.

And I’m starting to let that happen with my job. I am in a position of authority, but sometimes I am so afraid of being hated that I allow people to walk all over me! And I didn’t realize that until a co-worker and friend told me “Ashley you are too nice!”

I am too nice sometimes, and that’s fear taking over.

But I cannot keep allowing myself to be guided by fear! And you shouldn’t either, because you may be missing out on something truly amazing and you don’t even know it yet.

Fear of the unknown is a common human fear, but you can’t let that be the reason you don’t try something new! You might be really great at it, or it might be horrible, but at least you won’t look back on your life 5-10 years from now and regret not trying!

So I leave you today with this thought: Why are you so afraid.. to take that job… talk to that person you like… try something new?

Until Next Time– Be well!

Ashley

Wake Me Up When Sweeps End

Well yesterday was a doozy! And for all of you who are in or know anything about the broadcast industry know that May means sweeps time.

The time of year where ratings are looming over your head, reporters are doing special reports that could be at least 4-5 minutes long, and other news is still happening (because news never stops).

For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, the dictionary definition of sweeps is a time of year where stress is high, all you want to do is pull your hair out, and your shows are scrutinized with the finest of tooth combs… Webster probably uses a lot more eloquent language than I do, but you get the gist.

I never realized until I started working in the industry how much focus is put on sweeps time. Every special report is promoted until viewers have no choice but to watch it because they’ve been beaten over the head with previews! Then each show has to tease that special report, until the 10pm show (one of mine) where you reveal the masterpiece.

Now don’t get me wrong, the couple special reports I’ve seen from reporters have been very well done, and they’ve been really interesting. I enjoy watching the feature-y and investigative reporting pieces.

But I didn’t understand (until yesterday really) how much time they take up. And I tried to pack in as much other news as I could last night too. As many may know, riots broke out in Baltimore and Nepal is still in shambles. Plus, the one night you cross your fingers for no breaking new, breaking news has to happen.

Safe to say I had a PACKED show last night. But, 20 minutes before the show, I was under on time. That means I have a little extra time just in case anchors talk slower than expected and what not.

Feeling pretty good about my show, I went in naively thinking everything was going to be alright! Surprise.. surprise, it wasn’t.

A lot of the things that happened were out of my control. We lost our live shot three times, but it was there in time for the newscast, our Skycam (for weather) went out just as we needed to take it, and by the end of the second to last break, we were 40 seconds over.

Now that may not seem like a long time, but in order to come back before the last break, you need at least 6 seconds. We had 1. That means that when the anchors said “we’ll be right back”, we didn’t come back.

My director and I tried to understand how we gained so much time, and honestly I don’t think either of us did anything wrong. But it happened.

And during Sweeps… that is a BIG no no!

Like I said before, each show, each story will be scrutinized because of ratings. I have a feeling that my show last night will not rate so high.

I’ve been told many times too, that a show is never as good as you think it is, and never has bad. Maybe a viewer didn’t notice that we didn’t come back, or that our Skycam went out.

But I still find that hard to believe. Viewers in this day are trained to notice everything. I myself do it when I watch other newscasts, tv shows, or movies.

And boy do we criticize.

Now I’m not saying that is all bad. It is good for viewers to catch something we may have over looked. It helps us improve.

But during sweeps, every eye is on you (not just the viewers) and that’s A LOT of pressure.

So I think you can understand why I want sweeps to be over. But at least it is actually almost over. Although we get to go through it again in July… What can you do?

I apologize if this post was one big rant. I had a lot I needed to get off my chest.

Thanks for reading! Until Next Time,

Ashley

It’s a Good Life! Trust Me

Well it’s the start of another week, and after a weekend of allowing myself to be completely lazy (well except for cleaning my apartment, but that really needed to happen), I’m ready for a good week at work!

Last week was one of those week’s where it feels like everything is out to kick you while your down, and as my co-worker said, pick you back up and stomp on you some more.

Safe to say last week wasn’t my best.

And I’m not saying that my job is horrible at all, I just had a bad week. Plain and simple.

But I woke up this morning, refreshed and ready to do it all over again. I think that is a testament to how much I really do love my job and the people I work with.

I was reading a friends blog this morning (Inspired She Lives) and she was talking about if she was really happy, and how you know when you are. That got me thinking about my life, and if I was really happy with where I ended up.

Sure, the ultimate goal was to get a job near my hometown, but would I have grown as much? I honestly can’t say yes or no to that.

Living on my own, a couple of hours from home has made me grow up a lot more than I thought I’d have to.

And with that, I’ve learned that I need to take the good days with the bad, and not focus so much on the negative.

Like I said before, I had a bad week last week, but there were good things that happened too! I laughed with co-workers that I consider friends now, I had some really great moments in my shows, and I was lucky enough to make a good impression on two new people at work.

So why is it that I only focused on those few negative things, when some really great things happened too?

This is something that I have struggled with for a long time. I always let one little negative thing ruin a day, week, month.

But when you really boil it down, I’ve had a pretty good life, with opportunities that I wouldnt’ ever pass up, and friends and family that I would never want to live without. And I’ve worked hard for what I have, which makes it that much more rewarding.

So now I am challenging myself, and you all, to look at each bad day and find the good in it. Maybe its something small like someone saying you look nice that day, or something huge like a promotion! Whatever it is, hold on to that moment, and the day won’t seem so bad anymore!

And just remember, you are the only person who can decide if a day is good or bad by the way you look at things!

Until next time,

Ashley

*Shout out to Inspired She Lives for Inspiring this post*

Lessons Learned Part 2: Broadcast Edition

As I settle into my second month as a PM News Producer, I’ve started to think about the things I have learned through my position. This is similar to a post I wrote a while back, but this time I am trying to focus on the Broadcast industry, although many of these lessons can be applicable to any job and everyday life.

So here we go!

1. Don’t take things too seriously

This is one of the most important things I have learned as a News Producer especially. In an industry where everyone is trying to get things done as quick as possible so they can meet their deadlines, comments can be thrown around that are not meant to hurt you. I know I’ve been yelled at many times because something needs to get done right now, and that person may not have time for your question, or is speaking out of frustration at you. Don’t take it too seriously!! Those same people have come back and talked to me after the dust settles, and its like nothing was said. The news business is a stressful one, so brushing off comments is a must!

Now there is still a line. Some comments, whether out of malice or not, are no excuse. So its important to understand that line, but know when you just need to brush something off.

2. Everything that can go wrong, will – plan for the worst

Broadcast TV can change at the drop of a hat, with breaking news coming in minutes before your show starts, reporters working as fast as they can to you get their content, and technology dictating whether you will have your live shot or not. Things can and will get messy. In my short time at my job, I have seen everything that could possibly go wrong in a show, do just that. Stories get dropped, live shots don’t work, people are late, or technology just doesn’t want to work that day! It is vital in this business to plan for the worst and have a back up for your back up plan. Trust me, things can go wrong and when they do, you need to be ready for it.

And going along with that, make sure you double, triple and quadruple check EVERYTHING. You don’t want to be caught with a spelling error on air (and I’ve had this happen to me), it just makes you and the station look bad.

3. Assert yourself

This is something that I am still trying to get better at, but especially when I need to tell the reporters what I want and how long I can allow for their story, being assertive is a must. You have to be able to convey what you want and stick to it! Now if someone else has a suggestion that works better, it’s always good to look at your options and pick what’s best. I enjoy getting other people’s input, since I am still new at all of this, but you also need to remember that this is your show and if you want something a certain way, you need to say it!

4. Understand that everyone has a job to do, not just you

Similar to some of the other points I’ve made, you have to remember that you are not the only person with a job to do, and their job is just as important as yours! You have to understand that the reporters only have so many hours in the day, and you can’t ask unreasonable things of them. If someone is on scene and already doing a big story for you in two shows, it might be unreasonable to send them to breaking news that’s 30 minutes away! Be realistic and understand where they are coming from, it will get you a long way and your reporters will respect you for it.

This business is such a fun and rewarding one to get into, and despite the things that could go wrong, have fun with it! You will make great friends and really begin to learn about the world you live in.

I know I am so much more knowledgeable of the world and my community now. And I have made some pretty great friends along the way!

I hope you found this helpful, even if you are looking to work in Broadcast!

Until Next Time,

Ashley