Why Am I So Afraid?

My whole life, I’ve been told that fear can be a driving force to help you reach your dreams, if you use it correctly.

Now I’m not saying that I don’t agree with that, because harnessing my fear and using it to push myself has helped me become the person that I am.

But what happens when that fear stops you?

*Photo courtesy of Google Images*

As many of my friends prepare for graduation from college this weekend, I started thinking about my college (and high school) experiences. I started thinking about all of the people I had met, the things I had experienced, and things that I was too afraid to do.

I realized that in high school and college I had always been afraid to try things that would require me to put myself out in the open for the world to judge.

In high school, I was always a dancer, but I really wanted to sing and act too! I had done so in a few small things when I was in middle school, but high school was different. It wasn’t until my senior year that I finally say ‘why not” and tried out for my school’s fall play. That was the only theater production I had planned on trying out for!

Turned out that I wasn’t a terrible actor, and after the fall play, our director told me I should continue trying out for school productions. So I did..

That year I participated in the One Act group (which competed statewide), I was in the spring musical, and I acted in a murder mystery dinner fundraiser.

I loved it!! And I kept telling myself “why didn’t I do this sooner?”

Fast forward to college… It was my junior year and my best friend Jenna took me to a meeting for our school’s student run tv station. I had just changed my major for the third time to broadcast, and wanted to get some experience in.

We had anchor auditions, but I told myself that I just wanted to work behind the scenes… but in reality I was just too afraid that I wouldn’t be good enough to be on air.

Jenna made me try out with her anyways, because she knew I had been on stage most of my life with dance, and I had experience with musical theater.

I ended up anchoring for the entertainment segment every now and then, too afraid to say I wanted one of the lead anchor roles.

I ended up really enjoying it, and was even one of the main anchors in my News Team class!

“But why hadn’t I tried this earlier?”, I told myself.

Fear.. plain and simple!

Fear can be a great driving force when used correctly, but it can also be an immoveable road block, put there to keep you from experiencing life.

My sister and dad would always tell me that I was brave, that I would just jump right into things, without fear. But I don’t think they ever understood how deathly afraid I was.

I realize now that I missed out on a lot of potentially wonderful experiences because I let my fear get the best of me.

And I’m starting to let that happen with my job. I am in a position of authority, but sometimes I am so afraid of being hated that I allow people to walk all over me! And I didn’t realize that until a co-worker and friend told me “Ashley you are too nice!”

I am too nice sometimes, and that’s fear taking over.

But I cannot keep allowing myself to be guided by fear! And you shouldn’t either, because you may be missing out on something truly amazing and you don’t even know it yet.

Fear of the unknown is a common human fear, but you can’t let that be the reason you don’t try something new! You might be really great at it, or it might be horrible, but at least you won’t look back on your life 5-10 years from now and regret not trying!

So I leave you today with this thought: Why are you so afraid.. to take that job… talk to that person you like… try something new?

Until Next Time– Be well!

Ashley